Apparently Centenary Set New Standards?

Apparently Centenary Set New Standards?

The female population of Centenary’s campus has been dealt a nasty blow. In a witty document titled “Centenary Sets New Standards” written by a Centenary swimmer the women on campus were insulted and offended by a series of declarations, graphs and opinion based data.

Men have proven themselves again as brainless creatures. This is a factual statement supported by “Centenary Sets New Standards.” The very document that had malicious intentions of offending Centenary women has in fact indicted men as a species. Here are a few reasons why:

1. The overwhelming majority of students on Centenary’s campus are female. It is senseless to offend the ladies who are the only opportunity for men to interact with members of the opposite sex.

2. It is a gross error to say that the women on Centenary’s campus are less attractive then the men. This is a very true fact: one that most females weigh in comparison to other larger institutions that offer more variety.

3. Men have made a fundamental error when trying to estimate the minds of women: unlike men, women often think of more than just sex. Therefore it is ridiculous to say that women are at an advantage because of the lack of options for men, referred to as “LOO”. While the author clearly thinks that women merely want to “get laid,” the majority of women are more concerned with the increasing trend of regression¹ witnessed in the male species.

4. Women are statistically overpowering the workforce. According to Al Gini, author of My Job, My Self: Work and the Creation of the Modern Individual the workplace is now made up of 49% women (Gini 90). Not only are women prevalent in the workforce but they are becoming increasingly more successful. If men put as much effort into work as they did into “Centenary Sets New Standards,” (although offensive, very well written and thought out) they would be more successful in life and women wouldn’t have to pick up their slack.

5. Finally, most likely the biggest mistake the author of this document made: Administering a piece of work so hideous around campus mere days before a prospective student open house! If any females had seen that document it is probable that they would have made the logical choice NOT to come to Centenary in the Fall Semester. Although a disclaimer at the top reads that the ideas do not reflect those of Centenary it still makes the school and the students look bad. Chasing off prospective women is not the way to get cuter girls to come to campus.

And thus, while “Centenary Sets New Standards,” is not rooted in fact, my thesis is: Men are Idiots.

¹Regression – defined by the American Psychiatric Association Thesaurus of Psychological Index Terms as “a return to earlier, especially to infantile, patterns of thoughts or behavior, or stage of functioning.”

Gini, Al. My Job, My Self: Work and the Creation of the Modern Individual. New York:      Routledge, 2001. Excerpt: “Women in the Workplace” 89 – 107.